Morals over Obligation

I feel so trapped. So very isolated. Trapped in my mind, body, and soul. I need to break free of this. I’m conscious yet I can’t move. I need to just go. To let go of everything. At the end of the day nothing I do right now matters. I wake up, I go to work, I come home and repeat. Bing, bang, boom. I’m sick of it. all the needless hours I spend working for things I don’t want! At a job I don’t need, living a life that feels ever more like a lie to who I am.

I work in a butcher shop, in a grocery store. If there is one thing I can’t stand- it’s needless waste. Every god-damn day we through out hundreds of pounds of food that people in other countries literally -kill them selves over. And I’ve taken part in throwing away this food. I feel like a criminal to humanity. But what can I do? I need to do it or I get fired. But what it’s this job to me anyway? It’s a means to support my life? Not really. It’s a means to support the lives of others. My money goes towards bills. Bills I pay for things that I don’t want. I don’t want a car, or a cell phone. I don’t want to live this life with so much stuff! I want to live with so much less and salvage my sanity.

The only thing keeping me back is myself. This hamster-wheel I can’t seem to just jump off of. I want to! i say how easy it is all the time. How You just have to go! I’m trying to encourage myself but my body won’t answer. There is no response. It’s an interesting form of brainwash. I’ve been  taught growing up- to actually believe that I need a job to support a life filled with comforts. But what happens when you reach the age where you question everything? Your teaching, your government, your society, your very own life styles and choices. What then?

It usually goes without saying that you need a job. I even find myself yacking to my friends about how they need a job if they want to support their idealistic lifestyle. I feel so hypocritical! I always feel that my tongue becomes so stained with lies that I can never taste the truth. It’s a hard, sad realization. But for me the only way to do it is to give it up cold turkey.

I need to jump off my hamster-wheel. I need to solidify my morality and use my judgement in everyday life. Not just appease the person spinning the wheel. Perhaps I can inspire a few other hamsters to join me. To get them off that tedious cycle open their eyes to a world where the only limits are the ones you put up yourself.

4 thoughts on “Morals over Obligation

  1. YES!!! FUCKING YES! i know the feeling very fucking well john, this is the exact same boat i am in, well you got yourself at least one hamster in alaska willing to join you bro!!!!!!

    • Wow, I’m actually really surprised I can touch upon your feelings as well! The mind set seems to be within a lot of people, it just needs to be woken up. I feel we are all driving off a cliff and the breaks fell out a mile back.

  2. Sometimes you have to just close your eyes, cross your fingers and then jump! It’s that first step, like hopping a ride on a train and realizing you have to get off while it’s still moving, standing at the edge of the car, watching the world zip past, knowing when you hit the ground, it’s probably going to hurt. But in your heart, you know if you get to the next stop, you’ll probably get busted for hopping the train. It feels like either way, you’re screwed. But you have to have faith in your intuition and follow that inner calling. The problem is we’ve become addicted to comfort out of a fear of pain or the unknown, it’s what keeps us on that hamster wheel. But what does a life of futility and the banal existence of contrived mundane experiences give you when your heart burns for something more? We try to buy our way out of our burdens, but that’s part of the consumer scam, that we could ever hope to buy our way out. It’s like a junky who thinks he’s going to get clean by shooting more dope. – junky logic = self-defeatism.

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