More Determined than Ever


It’s been a long time since I’ve been this enthralled in something. I’m so utterly engrossed in the fact that in just 76 short days, my life- as i know it, is changing forever. I honestly can’t be any more ecstatic. The only down side is, everything is going very god-damn slow here. All my days seem to blur, time which I once thought was on my side- seems to be running away from me. Stress levels are rising already too. I get stressed when I plan out things, so this is natural. I’m gonna try to just enjoy the ride, ya know? Like, just let it all unravel at my feet.

So in the last two days I’ve mapped out options to furnish myself a laptop, acquire plane tickets and organize my stuff to sell at a yard sale. (For more cash and the simple fact that I’m not gonna need it, nor do I.) It’s exciting stuff but like I said, stressful. I find my self checking, double checking and then checking again to see if I have stuff ready. Oh, I’m starting to really hate the word “stuff” too. I mean yeah, it’s exactly that. Junk, Crappola, rubbish, nick-knacks. Whatever you wanna call it. I want and can live without 98% of it. The other 2% of st…err, junk, are just a few small personal items. On the bright side, my room has never looked so clean in my life!

My cousin has been at the fore-front of me getting up there. He’s really a great guy and I’ve never even met him. We talk a lot over Facebook and the phone. He sends me video’s of life up there like how people have pet geese, or they go dog sledding. It’s just a whole new world to me, sounds more like it’s up to my speed. I enjoy simplicity. Things that will bring you joy shouldn’t always come from the internet, or the television. Just getting out to your local park sitting on a bench, watching the children play while you read a book. Or just enjoy being by the sea- that sweet, salty air that comes rushing at you, blowing your hair in every direction. I enjoy that feeling in fall when your nose gets cold. Or when you know your family supports you in anything you do. Those things, small, miniscule yet completely significant in my life. It’s honestly never been more prevalent than it is now. I want to thank Mike for being so welcoming to me. I’m not even there yet, we’ve never even really know each other outside of social media, but I feel I’ve known you my entire life. There is a bond that I can’t seem to truly put to words.

I’m motivated, driven and… out of my mind? Ha ha, I’ve been told the former. “You must be nuts going four-thousand miles away for home to just go and hang out with Eskimos and be cold and get eaten by bears and shit”. that’s about 90% of my friends. Or they just say “Cool man, good luck”. But I know it’s like, “Yeah, you’re a dumb ass. 10 bucks says he’s back in a week if he even goes.” And weather they realize it or not they are just pushing me harder and harder. That stuff doesn’t set me back, it drives me forward. The negativity literally propels me closer to just proving them wrong. I mean, from the major support that I’ve gotten (insert sarcasm here) I’m glad I’m only 76 days away. To get them to shut up, to finally be free of what ever stigma is holding me here. It’s a feeling that’s just so overcoming and empowering.

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2 thoughts on “More Determined than Ever

  1. Most people seem to have a negative reaction to change. It’s a very human thing, actually. Life around us is always evolving, yet people seem to get hooked into some kind of pattern or routine, and anything that deviates from that often evokes some sort of apprehension. The trick, I believe, is to smile at the detractors in life, and continue finding, chasing, and embracing what makes you happy. Later, when people see that you are happy, they will understand… at least the ones who really care about you. We shed a lot of weight as we grow. From skin and teeth as a child in blundering stumbles, to people and possessions that come and go from our lives. The things that matter in your life will persist, regardless of the location, the time, or the circumstances. All else is just part of the transition of your life.

    That said, Alaska doesn’t really have a fall season. Or spring for that matter. It’s really just two seasons. A brief but glorious summer, and a long winter that will test your resolve. The trick is to embrace every bit of it by finding ways to make it yours. Besides, up in Fairbanks, you’re more like to see the northern lights than we do down in Anchorage. And you can watch them from Chena Hot Springs, should you so desire. Pretty glorious.

  2. Thanks cousin!!!!! I can feel the bond too, you and i seem to have a very similar outlook on life, that i dont share with too many people, im glad its not just me going crazy!!!!! Two rivers is an alright place 🙂 it just depends on the person, theirs some off motherfuckers here but their alos some of the nicest people youll meet, were 26 miles out of fairbanks so the gas is a bitch but eh, its worth it to not be in the middle of the city bullshit for me, and winters can take their toll on you, especially the first one, seasonal depression can kick your ass, but i remember as a kid the winter never effected me very badly, so i just try and keep that mindset. just make sure you bring some vitamin D with ya haha, the winter starts late october early november and lasts till about late april early may, then summer kicks in till, well october, the leaves to change and their is a brief month or two long fall season, if that haha, sadly their arent too many red leaves up here, but we got orange and yella! haha, i guess you just have to expirience it for yourself and go from their, but dont think alaska is just the interior, this is a huge state and i havent even discovered a tiny fraction of it, and ive been here for 17 years. Also, given the events of the past few years, with losing my mom and my dad trying to find love again and money being damn near impossible to scrape up, theirs been some drama here, just last night uncle rob and torrie had a little drunken stooper that ended in a bronken septic pipe and torrie up and leaving lol, but all drama aside, and fairly manageable All i can say for certain is i am STOKED for you to get up here!!!! and dont worry about the drama, you missed the big bulk of it =P cant wait for you to get here!!!!!

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