It’s Normal Feeling this Way

For the last several days I’ve been kinda taking in all opinions and suggestions from friends, family and worrisome acquaintances.  They care, some don’t. Most just want me to stay home. It’s funny to see my interest in anything else … Continue reading

Overcoming the Day to Day Cycle

The past couple of days have been a stressful, over dramatic, over hysterical, mess. My family is completely on the fence with me going out and testing myself. It’s a pretty sucky situation, but if I can overcome this, then … Continue reading

Starting Down My Own Road

The state I’ve called home for my entire life, Massachusetts. By the end of July I will be on my way to the 49th state of, The United States. This is baby steps for me. I’ve never

Random lake in Alaska

been on a plane, never been that high before, and I’ve never left the eastern seaboard! It’s full of firsts and it’s incredibly exciting!

Like I said, I’ve lived in Massachusetts all my life. And while I will always call it home, it’s time for me to go. As a new friend of mine put it, “it’s like hopping a ride on a train and realizing you have to get off while it’s still moving, standing at the edge of the car, watching the world zip past, knowing when you hit the ground, it’s probably going to hurt. But in your heart, you know i

f you get to the next stop, you’ll probably get busted for hopping the train”. He couldn’t have been anymore correct! I feel like there is this fire in me

and sitting around here isn’t going to help if it’s not where I want to be!

My home is full of family, friends and many, many acquaintances. They are apart of me as much as I’m a part of them. I will miss every moment we’ve had together

but it’s not about them. It’s about me, and my ambitions. I have to do this for me, I need to take the first step out there. Really get to experience life in a new climate, new atmosphere and some new culture!

Alaska, she’s like a high school girl. Wicked pretty, but cold, harsh, ridged, and demanding. I can’t friggan’ wait! Maybe that was a bad analogie, but i couldn’t be bothered otherwise I’m excited! To finally pack it all up, live the life I feel I’m destined too! Shoot, maybe even get over my fear of heights!

I say it’s baby steps because well, I have a place to stay already. You see, I have family up there, most of which I haven’t met. All of em’ are thrilled to have me, and excited to see their weird cousin from all the way east. I’ve met my uncles in person. they came down to visit a few times before, it’s very sporadic so it’s going to be really nice to be able to spend some real, quality time with em! Ha, ha! As I’m writing this I just got the news that my Uncle told the rest of the crew up north, that I was coming!

It’s real, it’s really gonna happen! No turning back now! Going for it, none can change my mind!

It’s All Because of You

I’ve taken the name Vagabond John but for the last 2 weeks that I’ve had that name/blog I haven’t honestly shed any light on future plans, or at least living up to the name. I wanted to take a second for you guys to get to know who John is before I explain some of my plans for you. My name is John Robert Bizzarro. I’ve lived about 5-10 miles from the city of Boston all of my life. I have a pretty average life. Filled with pretty extraordinary people.

My mother and father split when I was younger, around the age of 1. We didn’t have it easy but then again if we did I probably wouldn’t be writing this story that you’re about to read. My mother is my inspiration to live. she doesn’t believe in a lot of the things I do. But the values shes passed down to me are worth their weight in gold. I grew up in a shelter. It was my mother my sister Julia and I. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it could have been for my ma. (Yeah I call her ma) Being young and naive to anything but good or bad. Yummy or icky, how was I supposed to know about her going to school, working full time and raising two children by herself. All I remember was playing outside in the little plastic Playschool kitchen things with my sister eating gummy bears. I remember when we finally got our new apartment. Man it was great, there was even a park in the back yard! Life then wasn’t always cupcakes and unicorns then either.

As much as it sucked to watch my mothers boyfriends come and go like the seasons I can only now imagine how she must have felt. Alone, with two brats bills, going to school, and working. The one thing I remember she did have was amazing friends. They were always there for her and even us kids! They know who they are and I’m not at liberty to spill to many names over the internet 🙂 I can tell you with all honesty they were some of the best, most love, caring, crazy, bewitching, talented, and completely cool people I’ve ever met and still to this day have the incredible honor of keeping in touch with.

Asides from a few major life events like getting two broken legs to getting our house broken into a handful of times. To walking my mom down the isle at her wedding, life seems to be pretty normal. Well, as normal as any American family can hope for. Right? We have plenty of good times. Same goes for heartaches and bad tempers. But were all family, we’ve always stuck together.

I must admit I am feeling especially more sentimental partially because of mothers day tomorrow, and partially because of my plans I will be sharing with you in a little bit.

you know, family is something that’s always been important to me. Longing for this life style you realize you end up sacrificing a lot. Weather it’s friends, relationships, “Stuff”, or family.You will always have your family, but at the same time you won’t. It’s a conflicting thing to say but it’s never been more true. When you choose to be a vagabond, wanderer, nomad or what ever you call yourself, a huge amount of sacrifice goes into it. I think I’m ready though. Once I understood how much these people, my mother especially- sacrificed for me and my sister, I can could so do the same.

Comparing the two seems like comparing apples to oranges. But what I’m actually comparing is her strength, courage, and determination. Those core values have always been a part of me. I’ve witnessed them at an early age. It literally has grown on me and with me for the 20 something years I’ve been alive. Without that in my life, I don’t think I would have EVER come to this realization.

With my mothers grit determination and independence is where I give credit for my insatiable desire to travel. To challenge myself and live my life to the fullest. I want to be able to see things in this world that most of my family has never seen. I want to go to places you only read about or see in National Geographic. I want to taste the food, immerse myself in the culture. As I’ve said before, there is nothing wrong with being an American, but there is something wrong with following it’s values.

Growing up it seems we start to lose that childhood wonder. That feeling you get, that unexplainable rush when you accomplish something you never thought possible. To truly explore. Or even to push yourself out of the shell you wrapped your life in so tightly. It’s on these principles and ideas that harbor my motives. It’s with these thoughts that I seek to venture out of what’s known, to risk it all on well, what ever the world has to offer.

If you look hard enough you will get a clue as to where my destination is. Don’t look to hard though. It might bite you in the nose. If you guess it right i’ll tag you.

 

Morals over Obligation

I feel so trapped. So very isolated. Trapped in my mind, body, and soul. I need to break free of this. I’m conscious yet I can’t move. I need to just go. To let go of everything. At the end … Continue reading

Promises

Putting my self in the right state of mind has been difficult, as illustrated in my previous posts. It’s something that is going to have to take time and care. I’m trying to keep it positive but It’s exciting, and new -so naturally I’m going to be worried about it. I want to just let go of all that and embrace it for what it is. I’m going to help people, change lives -including my own. See new faces, make new friends, experience new cultures. I can take so much from them while giving something back at the same time. It seems very symbiotic to me.

I have so many distractions at home to try and stay on task. Money, food, stuff -it’s all cluttering my brain. I need to limit some things. A few simple steps I’m working on and I’m not sure if this is going in the right direction, or it’s just silly. I’m trying to get in the right state of mind here are a few things I’m doing to prepare for that.

Food Preparation:

Recently I’ve been branching out from the “normal American diet”, which consists of foods with so much crap in them like, frozen meals to cereals, even the condiments. Instead I’ve been making a conscious effort to eat fruits and veggies when ever available. I only drink water and tea so that’s no problem. Lot’s of brown or field rice with beans. I’m planning on expanding to fish, it’s not my favorite, but if it can keep me alive and it’s all that’s available. I guess I better suck it up! Who knows I might enjoy it.

The Stuff:

So. I’ve got so much junk.I just take a quick sweep around my room, I got posters and other wall objects. I have a T.V. I hardly use and when I do it’s for video games THAT I HARDLY USE. I’ve got books that I’ve read trinkets from my favorite sports teams. Board games. Clothing I NEVER wear. Bag’s and shoes and the list goes on of all the stuff I have in my room alone, that I could get rid of and never miss it. I’ve read lot’s of blogs. Scrolled through so many hours of articles and realize I AM better off getting rid of this stuff. It’s cluttering my brain, and it’s such a distraction. To get rid of it so I’m left with clothes that I wear, a few small items that mean a lot to me and something to pack it all up in.

This Blog:

Believe it or not, I count on this blog like I count on walking around if I had no legs. It IS my crutch. If I didn’t have it, if I never wrote down all these ideas in a very social way, then I feel I would never do it and it would be just another project for me to never get to fruition. It gives me time to reflect, to stop and think and take note as it’s happening. I do so enjoy letting my feelings and what I’m thinking fly out onto the screen and let my friends and family see. Not every day do you get to talk with everyone. What better way for someone to really get to know you than to follow their blog posts, or rambling thoughts on a world gone awry.

I’ve made a conviction, a promise to myself that I will see this through. As a man who’s never left the eastern seaboard of the USA, I have such a naive sense of wonder. I want to explore, to be, to see and to help. We, in my mind are all bound by one thing. We’re all humans, each deserving the same respect to others regardless of status, creed, race, ethnicity, culture. I’m and American, but I’m a Human Being first and foremost.