The computer flickers, cracks and burns to life. The gentle hum of the disk drive and the pouring rain outside my window are the only sounds. A big black mug filled with a dark, hazy blend of coffee. I take … Continue reading
Disclaimer: This is different from anything i’ve ever written. During this session, I fire off anything that pops into my head. Perhaps we can take a glimpse into what i’m thinking about? Novice experiment anyone? Buckle up, keep your arms … Continue reading
Everything you do in life is significant. It defines who you are as a person. It gives fore-sight into the things you do and how you accomplish them. Nothing is insignificant. To me, every action you make gradually defines who … Continue reading
The past couple of days have been a stressful, over dramatic, over hysterical, mess. My family is completely on the fence with me going out and testing myself. It’s a pretty sucky situation, but if I can overcome this, then … Continue reading
The state I’ve called home for my entire life, Massachusetts. By the end of July I will be on my way to the 49th state of, The United States. This is baby steps for me. I’ve never
been on a plane, never been that high before, and I’ve never left the eastern seaboard! It’s full of firsts and it’s incredibly exciting!
Like I said, I’ve lived in Massachusetts all my life. And while I will always call it home, it’s time for me to go. As a new friend of mine put it, “it’s like hopping a ride on a train and realizing you have to get off while it’s still moving, standing at the edge of the car, watching the world zip past, knowing when you hit the ground, it’s probably going to hurt. But in your heart, you know i
f you get to the next stop, you’ll probably get busted for hopping the train”. He couldn’t have been anymore correct! I feel like there is this fire in me
and sitting around here isn’t going to help if it’s not where I want to be!
My home is full of family, friends and many, many acquaintances. They are apart of me as much as I’m a part of them. I will miss every moment we’ve had together
but it’s not about them. It’s about me, and my ambitions. I have to do this for me, I need to take the first step out there. Really get to experience life in a new climate, new atmosphere and some new culture!
Alaska, she’s like a high school girl. Wicked pretty, but cold, harsh, ridged, and demanding. I can’t friggan’ wait! Maybe that was a bad analogie, but i couldn’t be bothered otherwise I’m excited! To finally pack it all up, live the life I feel I’m destined too! Shoot, maybe even get over my fear of heights!
I say it’s baby steps because well, I have a place to stay already. You see, I have family up there, most of which I haven’t met. All of em’ are thrilled to have me, and excited to see their weird cousin from all the way east. I’ve met my uncles in person. they came down to visit a few times before, it’s very sporadic so it’s going to be really nice to be able to spend some real, quality time with em! Ha, ha! As I’m writing this I just got the news that my Uncle told the rest of the crew up north, that I was coming!
It’s real, it’s really gonna happen! No turning back now! Going for it, none can change my mind!
Putting my self in the right state of mind has been difficult, as illustrated in my previous posts. It’s something that is going to have to take time and care. I’m trying to keep it positive but It’s exciting, and new -so naturally I’m going to be worried about it. I want to just let go of all that and embrace it for what it is. I’m going to help people, change lives -including my own. See new faces, make new friends, experience new cultures. I can take so much from them while giving something back at the same time. It seems very symbiotic to me.
I have so many distractions at home to try and stay on task. Money, food, stuff -it’s all cluttering my brain. I need to limit some things. A few simple steps I’m working on and I’m not sure if this is going in the right direction, or it’s just silly. I’m trying to get in the right state of mind here are a few things I’m doing to prepare for that.
Recently I’ve been branching out from the “normal American diet”, which consists of foods with so much crap in them like, frozen meals to cereals, even the condiments. Instead I’ve been making a conscious effort to eat fruits and veggies when ever available. I only drink water and tea so that’s no problem. Lot’s of brown or field rice with beans. I’m planning on expanding to fish, it’s not my favorite, but if it can keep me alive and it’s all that’s available. I guess I better suck it up! Who knows I might enjoy it.
So. I’ve got so much junk.I just take a quick sweep around my room, I got posters and other wall objects. I have a T.V. I hardly use and when I do it’s for video games THAT I HARDLY USE. I’ve got books that I’ve read trinkets from my favorite sports teams. Board games. Clothing I NEVER wear. Bag’s and shoes and the list goes on of all the stuff I have in my room alone, that I could get rid of and never miss it. I’ve read lot’s of blogs. Scrolled through so many hours of articles and realize I AM better off getting rid of this stuff. It’s cluttering my brain, and it’s such a distraction. To get rid of it so I’m left with clothes that I wear, a few small items that mean a lot to me and something to pack it all up in.
Believe it or not, I count on this blog like I count on walking around if I had no legs. It IS my crutch. If I didn’t have it, if I never wrote down all these ideas in a very social way, then I feel I would never do it and it would be just another project for me to never get to fruition. It gives me time to reflect, to stop and think and take note as it’s happening. I do so enjoy letting my feelings and what I’m thinking fly out onto the screen and let my friends and family see. Not every day do you get to talk with everyone. What better way for someone to really get to know you than to follow their blog posts, or rambling thoughts on a world gone awry.
I’ve made a conviction, a promise to myself that I will see this through. As a man who’s never left the eastern seaboard of the USA, I have such a naive sense of wonder. I want to explore, to be, to see and to help. We, in my mind are all bound by one thing. We’re all humans, each deserving the same respect to others regardless of status, creed, race, ethnicity, culture. I’m and American, but I’m a Human Being first and foremost.