I feel so trapped. So very isolated. Trapped in my mind, body, and soul. I need to break free of this. I’m conscious yet I can’t move. I need to just go. To let go of everything. At the end … Continue reading
Putting my self in the right state of mind has been difficult, as illustrated in my previous posts. It’s something that is going to have to take time and care. I’m trying to keep it positive but It’s exciting, and new -so naturally I’m going to be worried about it. I want to just let go of all that and embrace it for what it is. I’m going to help people, change lives -including my own. See new faces, make new friends, experience new cultures. I can take so much from them while giving something back at the same time. It seems very symbiotic to me.
I have so many distractions at home to try and stay on task. Money, food, stuff -it’s all cluttering my brain. I need to limit some things. A few simple steps I’m working on and I’m not sure if this is going in the right direction, or it’s just silly. I’m trying to get in the right state of mind here are a few things I’m doing to prepare for that.
Recently I’ve been branching out from the “normal American diet”, which consists of foods with so much crap in them like, frozen meals to cereals, even the condiments. Instead I’ve been making a conscious effort to eat fruits and veggies when ever available. I only drink water and tea so that’s no problem. Lot’s of brown or field rice with beans. I’m planning on expanding to fish, it’s not my favorite, but if it can keep me alive and it’s all that’s available. I guess I better suck it up! Who knows I might enjoy it.
So. I’ve got so much junk.I just take a quick sweep around my room, I got posters and other wall objects. I have a T.V. I hardly use and when I do it’s for video games THAT I HARDLY USE. I’ve got books that I’ve read trinkets from my favorite sports teams. Board games. Clothing I NEVER wear. Bag’s and shoes and the list goes on of all the stuff I have in my room alone, that I could get rid of and never miss it. I’ve read lot’s of blogs. Scrolled through so many hours of articles and realize I AM better off getting rid of this stuff. It’s cluttering my brain, and it’s such a distraction. To get rid of it so I’m left with clothes that I wear, a few small items that mean a lot to me and something to pack it all up in.
Believe it or not, I count on this blog like I count on walking around if I had no legs. It IS my crutch. If I didn’t have it, if I never wrote down all these ideas in a very social way, then I feel I would never do it and it would be just another project for me to never get to fruition. It gives me time to reflect, to stop and think and take note as it’s happening. I do so enjoy letting my feelings and what I’m thinking fly out onto the screen and let my friends and family see. Not every day do you get to talk with everyone. What better way for someone to really get to know you than to follow their blog posts, or rambling thoughts on a world gone awry.
I’ve made a conviction, a promise to myself that I will see this through. As a man who’s never left the eastern seaboard of the USA, I have such a naive sense of wonder. I want to explore, to be, to see and to help. We, in my mind are all bound by one thing. We’re all humans, each deserving the same respect to others regardless of status, creed, race, ethnicity, culture. I’m and American, but I’m a Human Being first and foremost.
Everyone has their own rhyme and reason for wanting to travel. Mine just comes at an interesting crossroad of self realization. You see I’ve always had a fascination with the world around me. It’s people, diverse cultures, communal structures and their history. The other day at work I sat down for my 15 minute break, got out my carrots and snap peas and had bought a small bar of chocolate (my vice). And for one reason or another it all just completely hit me. “We have it so damn easy”! Most problems in The U.S. just stared to seem so superficial to those of other countries. I actually had the luxury to go over to a little store and buy my food. That simply does not happen for millions of people around the world. People are going hungry every day. Sure, you could argue that people do as well in the U.S. but it’s not a majority.
I’ve never felt so helpless in my life. At that moment the old saying everyone’s parents used to tell them, popped into my head, “Finish your food, there are starving kids in Africa who don’t have any!” That has always stuck with me. It’s resonated for sure. I see and understand how wasteful of a country this is, yet we let people die of starvation here: on our own door step.
So as I was about to throw away the rest of my veggies, I stopped turned back around and finished them. I vowed from then on to always finish my meals and eat much smaller portions. Maybe it’s me mentally being a part of some pseudo protest. But I figure if people get by with little to nothing. So can I. It’s all part of my positive out look towards the whole situation. It’s me trying to get out of my comfort zone and mentally prepare myself for potentially, whats next to come.
I have come to realize that every day, something hits me from no-where. Everything I’ve done in my life seems to be so meaningless, for example. Compare anything I’ve truly “accomplished” to what has the potential to be done and it’s just silly! Can you really compare helping out a farm in Thailand to better the people and community of that country to going to work every day? Maybe only in America. Well not this American! The wool over my eyes has been tugged at long enough. Finally I’ve reached for it and pulled it away. The trials and tribulations of American life is so overplayed here. But before anyone says I don’t have the pride of my country, that’s simply just false. The premise on which it was founded. “Just and Liberty for all” should resonate in everyone, everywhere around the world. But my country has become to far gone. The culture, the way society is driven by corporations and business. With the people at the top of the money-chain, pulling all the strings. It infuriates me! Calming down now…
I favor humanity over the country of origin. I favor the human spirit over greed and corporate consumerism. We are all a people of this world, brothers and sisters. I a fellow being, support life. Not just human, but All Life. We have only one planet and we share it. I feel the only way -currently, I feel I can truly make a difference, is to Volunteer Abroad. To help those that need it and only ask for a brother’s or sister’s hand. Nations that need love, and someone to lift some burden off of them.Which is why I decided to join the Peace Corps. They have a 10 Core Expectations list, that directly correlates to who I am. currently I’m in the process of fleshing out 2 essays and then sending in my application. Wish me luck!
Everyday I build confidence in the fact that this can change the lives of so many people. Including my own.