The past couple of days have been a stressful, over dramatic, over hysterical, mess. My family is completely on the fence with me going out and testing myself. It’s a pretty sucky situation, but if I can overcome this, then … Continue reading
So many times a day I seem to question my self. Most of it on my life choices. Things I’ve done, and things I’d like to set into motion. The most troubling part of it all is not knowing what the future may hold. I get told a lot how it’s the opposite, and that not knowing is beautiful and can be “so surprising, but in a good way!” If that’s true, why do I allow my self to think in this way? Why don’t I just let go? I’m afraid. It’s plain to see now. I dwell on so many fears that I question my past and try to rectify everything for the future. Sadly it usually has the adverse effect. I end up changing my past and questioning my future.
I’m afraid of a host of different things. From heights, to being alone. To taking off my shirt, or being embarrassed. Maybe the thing I lack is confidence in myself. Or maybe I think to much about it. You see, I feel I’m fighting myself for a reason -unbeknown to me. Could it be anxiety? No, surely not that! I can be confident in myself. In fact, when in a group sometimes I keep to myself because I’m feeling confident, not afraid. It’s strange but I don’t know where to turn for help with this. I’d like to get over what ever problem I’m having but not sure how to even be diagnosed! Perhaps I’m completely normal. Maybe I need a change of scenery? Maybe I need to stop questioning my self? Yeah, like that!
I’m just searching for answers to problem’s -I’m sure I can fix on my own. Weather I’ll be accepting of them or not remains to be seen. God, I’m a walking contradiction. Can someone please slap me back to reality, this isn’t me at all.
My tale is no exception. I would first off like to say that this is going to be an “As-it-happens”, story. I assure you, the characters won’t be stale and the plot is always subject to change. It’s intriguing to note that this story starts in my youth. As a man, only in my twenty-second year of life on this planet, time seems to forever be in my favor. Something that many people lack. Not the actually ability to manage time- but actually having it. I perceive time as a segment. Every second now, is already in the past, and therefore can be categorized. Most of the time people see time as nothing more than something they either can’t escape from, or have no means of which to afford more. I’m using my time to leave behind something. To keep my time categorized as so that it’s easy to follow. In this way, time is and has been -in my favor.
I find incredible joy in sharing my journey with anyone wishing to read it. Accept it for what it is. Perhaps even discuss how it makes you feel? I write this at a turning point in my life. From becoming the naive boy, to the the man who sees things for what they are. Who can look past the layers of over dramatized workings, and see how the machine was truly built. There are no foreseeable boundaries to this tale. At least until I run out of time.