Hello, and once again thank you for joining me in this musical experience. You see this song “The Dreamer” really puts to light great feelings that hides in most of us. Thanks for the listen and I hope … Continue reading
For the last several days I’ve been kinda taking in all opinions and suggestions from friends, family and worrisome acquaintances. They care, some don’t. Most just want me to stay home. It’s funny to see my interest in anything else … Continue reading
The state I’ve called home for my entire life, Massachusetts. By the end of July I will be on my way to the 49th state of, The United States. This is baby steps for me. I’ve never
been on a plane, never been that high before, and I’ve never left the eastern seaboard! It’s full of firsts and it’s incredibly exciting!
Like I said, I’ve lived in Massachusetts all my life. And while I will always call it home, it’s time for me to go. As a new friend of mine put it, “it’s like hopping a ride on a train and realizing you have to get off while it’s still moving, standing at the edge of the car, watching the world zip past, knowing when you hit the ground, it’s probably going to hurt. But in your heart, you know i
f you get to the next stop, you’ll probably get busted for hopping the train”. He couldn’t have been anymore correct! I feel like there is this fire in me
and sitting around here isn’t going to help if it’s not where I want to be!
My home is full of family, friends and many, many acquaintances. They are apart of me as much as I’m a part of them. I will miss every moment we’ve had together
but it’s not about them. It’s about me, and my ambitions. I have to do this for me, I need to take the first step out there. Really get to experience life in a new climate, new atmosphere and some new culture!
Alaska, she’s like a high school girl. Wicked pretty, but cold, harsh, ridged, and demanding. I can’t friggan’ wait! Maybe that was a bad analogie, but i couldn’t be bothered otherwise I’m excited! To finally pack it all up, live the life I feel I’m destined too! Shoot, maybe even get over my fear of heights!
I say it’s baby steps because well, I have a place to stay already. You see, I have family up there, most of which I haven’t met. All of em’ are thrilled to have me, and excited to see their weird cousin from all the way east. I’ve met my uncles in person. they came down to visit a few times before, it’s very sporadic so it’s going to be really nice to be able to spend some real, quality time with em! Ha, ha! As I’m writing this I just got the news that my Uncle told the rest of the crew up north, that I was coming!
It’s real, it’s really gonna happen! No turning back now! Going for it, none can change my mind!
I feel so trapped. So very isolated. Trapped in my mind, body, and soul. I need to break free of this. I’m conscious yet I can’t move. I need to just go. To let go of everything. At the end … Continue reading
So many times a day I seem to question my self. Most of it on my life choices. Things I’ve done, and things I’d like to set into motion. The most troubling part of it all is not knowing what the future may hold. I get told a lot how it’s the opposite, and that not knowing is beautiful and can be “so surprising, but in a good way!” If that’s true, why do I allow my self to think in this way? Why don’t I just let go? I’m afraid. It’s plain to see now. I dwell on so many fears that I question my past and try to rectify everything for the future. Sadly it usually has the adverse effect. I end up changing my past and questioning my future.
I’m afraid of a host of different things. From heights, to being alone. To taking off my shirt, or being embarrassed. Maybe the thing I lack is confidence in myself. Or maybe I think to much about it. You see, I feel I’m fighting myself for a reason -unbeknown to me. Could it be anxiety? No, surely not that! I can be confident in myself. In fact, when in a group sometimes I keep to myself because I’m feeling confident, not afraid. It’s strange but I don’t know where to turn for help with this. I’d like to get over what ever problem I’m having but not sure how to even be diagnosed! Perhaps I’m completely normal. Maybe I need a change of scenery? Maybe I need to stop questioning my self? Yeah, like that!
I’m just searching for answers to problem’s -I’m sure I can fix on my own. Weather I’ll be accepting of them or not remains to be seen. God, I’m a walking contradiction. Can someone please slap me back to reality, this isn’t me at all.